Alex: You have to be Blair.
Jo: She sure does, nobody else wants to be.

Tootie: Is it true what they say about Michael Jackson?
Alex: Is what true?
Tootie: Everything

Blair: Saturday night in New York I am going to sneak out of the hotel.
Jo: So what?

Mrs. Garrett: I can't see my hands in front of my face.
Tootie: Really? My Uncle Jerome was like that.
Mrs. Garrett: He couldn't see either?
Tootie: No, especially on Saturday night.
Mrs. Garrett: It is amazing what a couple of drops can do to your vision.
Tootie: I guess it depends on how big the drops are.

Jo: After that we laughed, talked, and had a great time... I hated it.

Blair: Jo, you do the bacon, you're good with grease.

Blair: Stop complaining I lost two fingernails in the oatmeal.

Blair: Mrs. Garrett, what should I serve with the capons?
Jo: Stomach pump.

Natalie: The roast is done.
Tootie: How can you tell?
Natalie: It smells done.
Jo: What does done smell like?
Natalie: Burnt.

Jo: Hey Nat cool it, nice girls don't throw trees.

Tootie: I bet you were the one who put the pine sol in my prop shampoo bottle. I could of washed that man out of my hair and in the sink.

Tootie: Blair, if you scraped those peas off two at time, you would get done twice as fast.

Natalie: I can't stand it, I just have to know whats going on. It's that reporter in me.
Jo: You're nosy.
Natalie: Yeah, that too.

Jo: Farrah, you're melting my toothbrush.
Blair: I need puff.

Mrs. Garrett: Meanwhile what am I going to do about the shower?
Natalie: Hey, try the car wash.

Blair: A Warner is like a delicate sou fle.
Jo: Yeah light and emply

Blair: Mrs. Garrett, I don't have any old clothes.

Blair: How did I know that woman was gonna get the last 40 tickets?
Jo: She was a nun Blair, you know they never travel alone.

Jo: Blair, we are going for a week. Two days. 48 Hours.
Blair: Yes, I forgot my back up hair dryer.

Jo: You're so dumb you can't spell I.Q.

Jo: You're so spoiled the date on your milk carton would read B.C.

Blair: Commercial.
Natalie: Welcome back to the world Blair.

Blair: Slaughterhouse Five, I wrote my term paper on it last year ... it was brilliant.
Geri: Yeah, it was a really good book.
Blair: No, I mean't my paper

Blair: Bad move for Father Flaherty.
Tootie: Can you imagine life being a married preist?
Geri: Hey atleast he can hear his own confessions.

Jo: Guess who was just appoined Editor of the Eastlander? Buffy Kline.
Natalie: Buffy the boring? Buffy the bozo? Buffy the bunling? ... Good choice.
Blair: Why did they pick her for the job?
Jo: Because she is uncontroversial.
Natalie: She is unconscious!

Jo: Tootie, for dinner tonight do you want to clear?
Tootie: No, it's raining.

Tootie: I better go check my diary.
Natalie: Don't bother, I'm having it published.

Mrs. Garrett: When I was your age retardation was completely undiscussed.
Natalie: So was sex, religion, and politics. What was left?

Blair: My father's Porche.
Mrs. Garrett: An accident? Are you hurt?
Blair: No, worse the car is. Wait! I know, I will buy him a new one.

Natalie: Who's worried? We just need exercise, Blair you wanna walk?
Blair: Sure, to a taxi.

Tootie: Blair, this may come as a shock to you but I am not too fond of slavery.

Mrs. Garrett: I never cook anything I can't spell.

Tootie: Natalie, I've been looking for you everywhere, did you darn my socks?
Natalie: Tootie, this is the 20th century, nobody darns socks.

Jo: Alright I have had it with that hairy little creep.
Mrs. Garrett: Oh Jo you shouldn't fight with Blair when she is sick.

Jeff: Thanks, do you always give customers free food?
Tootie: Not always.
Jo: Never again.

Mrs. Garrett: How much would you like Boots?
Boots: Oh a half smidge or so.
Mrs. Garrett: I'm sorry we only sell it by the whole smidge.

Blair: We got 6th row. Two seats off the center.
Jo: Two seats off? I wouldn't go.

Tootie: Mrs. Garrett said take one thing.
Blair: I am, my wardrobe.

Jo: I hate Winter Carnival. Every bozo in town is going around singing their head off.
Mrs. Garrett: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Natalie: Tootie, were you up there listening? You're always up there listening, I mean the carpet on that top step has worn through.

Blair: You know there are a lot of narrow minded jerks in here.
Jo: Don't call me that your mother belongs to a restricted coutry club.
Blair: Our club is not restricted... anymore.

Natalie: I just got off the phone with Michael.
Tootie: Michael who?
Natalie: Jackson! Who do you think?

Blair: I told you give Blair Warner the petition and the guys will line up to sign it. I got over 500 signatures and three dates.

Blair: I'm in a house without mirrors.
Mrs. Garrett: Don't worry Blair you can see yourself in the dishes.

Blair: I'm not as popular as I was at Eastland.
Jo: Yeah well that's true.

Blair: I'm gonna need a dummy ... Jo!

Flower Man: Geri Tyler, he must like one of you gals a lot.
Natalie: He's a she.
Flower Man: Oh well that's none of my business it it?

Blair: Jo, I never thought I'd be saying this, you and Eddie have my blessing.
Jo: Blair, do you know what this means to me? ... Nothing.

Tootie: I want Mr. Simpson to see my range.
Natalie: Well he saw the front burner, that's for sure.

Blair: Mrs. Garrett, you really know what makes young boys tick.
Jo: And older men too.

Tootie: Oh look here's Blair and the pig.
Jo: Which one's the pig?

Blair: I am going to revolutionize Eastland.
Jo: By changing the school song?
Blair: It's a terrible song.
Natalie: She's right, no one can hit the last note. Beloved Eeeee Eastland. Oh I think I hurt myself.

Tootie: I'm sure we could find something for our president.
Blair: How about some warm milk and cold toast?

Tootie: Last time we looked she was just sitting there looking out the window.
Mrs. Garrett: What's wrong with that?
Jo: She had one leg hanging over the sill.

Tootie: Is it just me or is it usually quiet.
Beverly Ann: Sundays are supposed to be quiet.
Jo: I like to think it's because Blair's out of town.
Tootie: Jo, Blair doesn't talk that much.
Jo: No, just that her hair is so loud.

Andy: Here for the old sex talk Pippa? Anything she doesn't clear up with you, you come and see me. Ok?

Blair: As you know even among us natural blondes there occasionally occurs a strange darkening around the rootal area.
Man: Yes, while all of this is happening science is baffled.

Natalie: Blair, what would you do if you suddenly got poor?
Blair: Easy, I'd stop listening to E.F. Hutton.

Natalie: One of the ten commandments is thou shall not steal.
Jo: Maybe it's not official until they put it on a t-shirt.

Jo: You've done it again Blair, you've bought happiness.
Tootie: Yeah and at retail price.

Mrs. Garrett: The colors are dazzling.
Blair: A suset is dazzling, that is blinding.
Jo: It matches your hair.
Blair: It matches everybodys.

Natalie: The only thing that I'm sure of in my life is that I'll wear a retainer until I'm 40.

Blair: I haven't been this upset since the price of gold went down

Tootie: Oh listen Jo, I'm sorry I grated my fingernail into the cheese.
Jo: The important thing is we found it.

Jo: She wanted Damn Yankees.
Tootie: And they had that one! Natalie swore it was the wrong one.
Natalie: I didn't swear!
Tootie: You put your hand on the Bible!
Natalie: That was a cookbook! I swore on chicken gumbo.

Tootie: Well maybe you should call and apologize.
Blair: To a male?
Tootie: It's been done.

Blair: Blair Warner warming up pot roast, confused by men, the world has gone crazy.

Natalie: A few marbles, some silly putty, and a Pete Rose baseball card. See my plan is to leave these things lying around. If the kid picks them up he's ok, if not I'm calling the government.

Blair: How many times have you stuck yourself today dummy?
Sue Ann: I'm down to my last finger.

Blair: Sorry Sue Ann can't help you there. Blue blood would never mix with yours.
Sue Ann: Was I just insulted?

Sue Ann: Mrs. Garrett could you please take a look at my costume. What did I do wrong?
Mrs. Garrett: Nothing if you plan on growing another arm.

Jo: You're vegetating. You've been watching game shows for four days.
Tootie: The questions are getting harder.

Natalie: You invited the whole entire bar?
Tootie: I didn't want to offend anyone.

Guy: Does this party have college girls?
Natalie: Yes, take one home.

Girl: Excuse me miss, you're out of potato chips.
Natalie: You're out of luck.

Blair: I don't know what's wrong with me Jo.
Jo: Well I don't have time to tell you.

Natalie: We're having a hurricane.
Tootie: What's it called??

Tootie: These are my great grandparents. They had nine children. I dont have to tell you, they dug each otheeeer.

Sue Ann: But don't you remember? Opening sealed recorded is against the law.
Tootie: Says who?
Sue Ann: Dinah Shore and Charles Neilson Riley agreed with her.

Tootie: Wow I never saw a nighty that had.... instructions!

Tumpy: You do grass?
Sue Ann: No, but I know what it is to mow the lawn.

Emily: Wait a minute I see a roach.
Blair: Where I hate bugs!

Tootie: Hey isnt this one of those bong things I saw at the record store? What do you hit it with to make it bong?
Tumpy:You don't hit it, it hits you.

Tootie: Mrs. Garrett you should see what we got at the record store.
Natalie: Three Bongs.
Mrs. Garrett: I don't know that group, are they punk rock?

Mrs. Garrett: Girls do you know what these (bongs) are used for?
Tootie: Sure you put jellybeans in them.
Natalie: I'm going to put root beer in mine (bong), it comes with a built in straw.

Blair: Sue Ann, if you dont stand still I'm going to paint you flat chested.

Nancy: I'm going to be a physciotrist in Hollywood, Dr. Nancy Olsen, shrink to the stars.
Sue Ann: That's a great way to get a man on a couch.

Tootie: Good that means you'll have time to teach me how to pluck my eyebrows.
Mrs. Garrett: Oh sorry not today.
Tootie: But if I do it myself I will end up looking like Mr. Spock.

Molly: How can your dad take you out of Eastland? This dump is a great school.

Molly: Mr. Ramsey, I'd like to present exhibit A which is Tootie's grades that I got from Mrs. Packards front office who is always truthful even though her dentures do wobble when she talks.

Mrs. Garrett: This is not a school for spoiled rich girls.
((Everyone turns around))
Blair: Why is everyone looking at me?

Nancy: Roger got so excited when I told him I was into exercise.
Blair: Roger gets excited at hair cuts.

Nancy: Cindy, you know what Roger always says when we have an arugement.
Cindy: What?
Nancy: Let's sleep on it.

Mr. Bradley: Alright girls the parents will be here in a few minutes so lets get out of those clothes.

Molly: Lets study Miss Mahony's body.
Tootie: Study Miss Mahony's body? I think you're going to have to read between the lines.

Natalie: Blair's mom and Mr. Branch were making out.
Tootie: They're having an affair.
Natalie: The kind that isn't catered.